Hey all well i know it has been few days but I have been very busy but today here it is another horsey joke i might be back on later on to post other stuff also i was wondering myhusband did write me an erotic story and wanted to share it with all but it has adult content so you all up for reading it? let me know post in the comments hehehe, ok here it is the funny.

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Top ten exercises to become a better horseman...

Drop a heavy steel object on your foot. Don't pick it up right away. Shout, "Get Off, Stupid! GET OFF!"
Leap out of a moving vehicle and practice "relaxing into the fall." Roll lithely into a ball and spring to your feet.
Learn to grab your checkbook out of your purse and write out a $200 check without even looking down.
Jog long distances carrying a halter and a carrot. Go ahead and tell the neighbors what you are doing; they might as well know now.
Affix a pair of reins to a moving freight train and practice pulling to a halt. Smile as if you are having fun.
Hone your fibbing skills: " See, hon, moving hay bales is FUN! "and, "no, really, I'm glad your lucky performance and multimillion dollar horse won the blue ribbon. I am just thankful that my hard work and actual ability won me second place"
Practice dialing your chiropractor's number with both arms paralyzed to the shoulder and one foot anchoring the lead rope of a frisky horse.
Borrow the US Army's slogan: Be All That You Can Be: bitten, thrown, kicked, slimed, trampled, frozen...
Lie face down in a puddle of mud in your most expensive riding clothes and repeat to yourself, " This is a learning experience, this is a learning experience, this is..."
THE NUMBER ONE EXERCISE TO BECOME A BETTER EQUESTRIAN:
Marry money.

~M~

Hi all i know it has been long time since i posted i been going out of my mind first my truck broke down yep sucks big time, then my son got very sick and finally today he was feeling so much better he went to school and on Monday morning my husbands work truck went i guess the motor on it went so now yep you did guess right i am stuck here at home with out my truck grrrrr for who knows how long lol but its ok because after doing the fire wood today i might have enough time to ride my horses which i also haven't had time to do because of everything going on lol anyways this is my update for today and here is a funny also see ya.
~M~



Here is the funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How to interpret classified horse ads

BIG TROT: Can't canter within a two mile straightaway
NICELY STARTED: lunges, but we don't have enough insurance to ride him yet
TOP SHOW HORSE: won a reserve champion 5 years ago at a show with unusually low entries due to tornado warnings
HOME BRED: knows nothing despite being raised on the back porch
BIG BONED: good thing he has a mane and tail, or he would be mistaken for a cow
NO VICES: especially when he wears his muzzle
BOLD: runaway
GOOD MOVER: runaway
ATHLETIC: runaway
NEEDS INTERMEDIATE RIDER: runaway
SHOULD MATURE 16 HANDS: currently 13 hands, dam is 14.2, sire is 14.3 hands,every horse in pedigree back 18 generations is under 15 hands, but *this*horse will defy his DNA and grow.
WELL MANNERED: hasn't stepped on, run over, bitten, or kicked anyone for a week
PROFESSIONALLY TRAINED: hasn't stepped on, run over, bitten, or kicked anyone for a month
RECENTLY VETTED: someone else found something really wrong with this horse
TO GOOD HOME ONLY: not really for sale unless you can 1) pay twice what he is worth 2) are willing to sign a 10 page legal document 3) allow current owner to tuck in beddy-bye every night
LIGHT CRIBBER: we can't afford to build anymore fences and barns for the buzz saw
EXCELLENT DISPOSITION: never been out of the stall
CLIPS, HAULS, LOADS: clippity clippity is the sound his hooves make as he hauls butt across the parking lot when you try to load him.

How Many Riders Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?

ENDURANCE RIDER: Light bulb? Do you mind, I'm trying to get my horse's pulse / respiration / hydration levels to respectable levels. Once that is done, I have another 50 miles to go before I can even think about changing a light bulb. Um, any chance that the light bulb could assist me in my conditioning regimen.....
DRESSAGE QUEEN: Me! Change a light bulb? Are you joking? I couldn't possibly be expected to subject myself to such a menial task. Change it yourself. Oh, and wash your hands when you are finished. The very thought!
CLASSICAL DRESSAGE QUEEN: These things can not be rushed, but must be approached slowly, with great patience, and adherence to the principles laid down by the classical masters, otherwise the light bulb will not attain its true potential, but will forever just be a shadow of its true self. Never, ever, use any type of gadget when changing the light bulb. That is an offense to the principles of classical light bulb changing.
EVENTER: Hmm, as soon as my arm is out of this sling broken after falling off at that large stone wall (whilst riding Hell For Leather cross country) I'll change it. Until then, deal with the dark. It will put hair on your chest. Only prissy Dressage Queens require lights, anyway.
SHOW JUMPER: Why on Earth would I need to change a light bulb when the whole world knows that the sun shines out of my #####. Why, when I release over a jump, the spectators are practically blinded.
NATURAL HORSEMAN You must instill respect in the light bulb, so that it sees you as the Alpha light bulb, using "light bulb dynamics" (video available at $99.00 on my Website). Once you have done this, you will find that there is really no need to change the light bulb at all, but that the light bulb will, with very little coaxing from you (using patented "light bulb coaxer" designed by me - $99.00 each, for extra $49.99 you get video thrown in) will behave as all good light bulbs should